I thought I should write a post about awkward literary sex, because this term I read Rabbit, Run by John Updike for class and it had the most beautiful sex scene ever, between Rabbit and Ruth, that wasn't awkward or pretentious - just fragile and smooth and slippery between the hands, full of round shapes and words. And Updike himself, only a few years ago, won the prize for "lifetime achievement" in Literary Review's "Bad Sex Prize". The Guardian 04.12.02 gives a taste of some of the shortlisted candidates of 2002:
"Weirdly, he was clad in pin-stripes at the same time as being naked. Pin-stripes were erotic, the uniform of fathers, two-dimensional fathers. Even Mr Hughes's penis had a seductive pin-striped foreskin."
"The experience is still painful, like having a fallen log hammered up one's backside with a mallet[.]"
"And then my body, like a cathedral, broke out into ringing. The hunchback in the belfry had jumped and was swinging madly on the rope." (Oh no you didn't, Eugenides).
"They were like two flamingos, each attempting to filter the nutriment out of the other with great slurps of their muscular tongues."
Also, mentioning Hitler during a sex scene is a horrible mistake (as is Chairman Mao).